How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) (Hardcover)
|Author: Chuck/ Parsons Sambuchino|
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|Move over zombies and adolescent vampires. There''s a new threat in town--and it''s only twelve inches tall. "How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack" is the only comprehensive survival guide that will help prevent, prepare for, and ward off an imminent home invasion by the common garden gnome.|
From the Publisher:
The first and only full-color survival guide on how to prevent, prepare for, and ward off a home invasion by garden gnomes.
Move over zombies and adolescent vampires, there’s a new threat in town—and it’s about three feet tall. The common garden gnome, a deceptively benign lawn ornament, has been gathering momentum as a cultural icon —and suburban guerilla. Fortunately, Gnome Defense Expert (GDE) Chuck Sambuchino offers a proven three-step strategy (Assess, Protect, Defend, or APD) for safeguarding possessions, pets, and loved ones from a gnome home invasion. The book includes schematics for gnome-proofing your dwelling, instructions for confrontations at close range, correct gnomenclature, case histories of human vs. gnome clashes, and innovative ideas for rebuilding in the aftermath of a successful attack.