How to Survive a Garden Gnome Attack Defend Yourself When the Lawn Warriors Strike (And They Will) (Hardcover)

From the Publisher: The first and only full-color survival guide on how to prevent, prepare for, and ward off a home invasion by garden gnomes. Move over zombies and adolescent vampires, there’s a new threat in town—and it’s about three feet tall. The common garden gnome, a deceptively benign lawn ornament, has been gathering momentum as a cultural icon —and suburban guerilla. Fortunately, Gnome Defense Expert (GDE) Chuck Sambuchino offers a proven three-step strategy (Assess, Protect, Defend, or APD) for safeguarding possessions, pets, and loved ones from a gnome home invasion. The book includes schematics for gnome-proofing your dwelling, instructions for confrontations at close range, correct gnomenclature, case histories of human vs. gnome clashes, and innovative ideas for rebuilding in the aftermath of a successful attack.