Unconditional Parenting Moving from Rewards And Punishments to Love And Reason (Paperback)
|Author: Alfie Kohn|
|The author of Punished by Rewards and The School Our Children Deserve builds on his parenting theories of working with children rather than trying to control them, argues against practices that teach children that they must earn a parents approval, and presents techniques that promote desired child qualities through unconditional support. Reprint. 30,000 first printing. *Author: Kohn, Alfie *Subtitle: Moving from Rewards And Punishments to Love And Reason *Publication Date: 2006/03/28 *Number of Pages: 264 *Binding Type: Paperback *Language: English *Depth: 0.50 *Width: 5.50 *Height: 8.50|
From the Publisher:
Most parenting guides begin with the question "How can we get kids to do what they're told?" and then proceed to offer various techniques for controlling them. In this truly groundbreaking book, nationally respected educator Alfie Kohn begins instead by asking, "What do kids need -- and how can we meet those needs?" What follows from that question are ideas for working with children rather than doing things to them.
One basic need all children have, Kohn argues, is to be loved unconditionally, to know that they will be accepted even if they screw up or fall short. Yet conventional approaches to parenting such as punishments (including "time-outs"), rewards (including positive reinforcement), and other forms of control teach children that they are loved only when they please us or impress us. Kohn cites a body of powerful, and largely unknown, research detailing the damage caused by leading children to believe they must earn our approval. That's precisely the message children derive from common discipline techniques, even though it's not the message most parents intend to send.
More than just another book about discipline, though, Unconditional Parenting addresses the ways parents think about, feel about, and act with their children. It invites them to question their most basic assumptions about raising kids while offering a wealth of practical strategies for shifting from "doing to" to "working with" parenting -- including how to replace praise with the unconditional support that children need to grow into healthy, caring, responsible people. This is an eye-opening, paradigm-shattering book that will reconnect readers to their own best instincts and inspire them to become better parents.
Author Alfie Kohn believes that most traditional methods meant to change children's bad behavior are about parental control and conditional love. With the support of extensive research, he suggests that youngsters are hurt by the system of rewards and punishments for good and bad behavior. He believes that unconditional love is essential to a child's well-being, and current procedures send a message that children are loved for their behavior, not for themselves. Kohn goes on to suggest several methods for putting different behavior in place by "working with" children as opposed to controlling them. Among them are how to maintain unconditional love when a parent must say "no," how parents can think about situations from their children's point of view to have a greater understanding of how to treat them, and assisting children in making their own choices.
"Those seeking alternative methods of raising confident, well-loved children...will warmly embrace Kohn's message." 02/14/2005